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    中考失誤作文:瞬間的感動

    來源:網絡收集  作者:wangzp
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      如果說經歷是貝殼的話,我就是會收藏貝殼的伯樂;如果說記憶是垃圾的話,我就是個拾荒者。ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選

      ——題記ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選

      一、感情篇ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
    ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
      小時候,雨過天晴后的日子里,我總愛跟爸爸一起散步,我喜歡享受突然一滴雨滴下的感覺。剛站在一棵樹下,“沙——”無數雨點不約而同地飛下來,我避讓不及,驚詫莫名,轉頭一看原來是爸爸搗的鬼。一陣大笑之后,我提高了警惕,果然爸爸故伎重施,出于本能的反應,我一下子抱著頭蹲下來,可還是被淋了一身的雨水,唉,爸爸這究竟是怎么回事?ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
    ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
      二、母愛篇ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
    ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
      小的時候,每次吃魚,媽媽總是搶先一步把魚頭拿下,然后再夾起大塊的魚段,我很納悶,魚頭一點不好吃,可媽媽總是說最喜歡吃魚頭。每次問媽媽為什么愛吃魚頭,媽媽總說“習慣了,習慣了”。直到那次,我看見媽媽在廚房偷吃著我沒有干凈的魚,而且是那么地津津有味,并喃喃自語:“真香,真香,好香啊!”我的心突然被重重一擊,鼻子一酸,淚如泉涌,一瞬間我明白了母愛。ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
    ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
      三、友誼篇ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
    ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
      別人都說我是個“假小子”,總是瘋瘋顛顛,風風火火,上跑下跳,根本就不像女孩子,總是愛瘋跑愛出風頭出笑話,看,這不是我的身影嗎?哇噻,突然,雙腳撞在一起,身子一側,“叭”的一聲,人已趴在地上,這時,同伴向我伸出一只手,我笑著,在手與手接觸的一瞬間,我明白了友誼。ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
    ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
      人生是一條漫長的路,人在路上長大,在無數個瞬間,明白人生道理,并不斷成熟成長。ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
    ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
      [誤區警示]:ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
    ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選
      這是一篇三類文,主要存在以下幾個問題:一、語言平談無味。本文中,小作者敘述語言偏多且晦澀,形象性的動作描寫、心理描寫偏少,以至語句不夠生動形象,讓文章含金量大打折扣;二、不能緊扣話題。如在第一個片斷中,宜在寫爸爸的童心未泯中,寫出自己的心理活動:怦然一動,體會到父親對子女的那種忘形的愛意,這樣才能自然地扣住話題。三、第一個片斷,標題為《感情篇》與下面兩個片斷不夠協調,第一個主要是寫被父愛感動的片斷,宜改為《父愛篇》。建議作出如下修改:原文的形式保留,文章的形式、布局、格式還是比較好的,以片斷組合的形式分寫不同內容,每個片斷末要有點睛之筆,從多個角度扣住話題;潤色語言,將原文的大部分內容保留,但在語言上要進行深加工,使語意更豐滿,語言更圓潤,讓文章更有感染力。ieE樂學作文網-中考高考滿分作文,中小學優秀作文精選

    上一篇:北京中考零分作文《北京的符號》 下一篇:2009年杭州中考零分作文:靈魂與欲望

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